"Courtship is a time for two people to get acquainted. It is a time to get to know someone, his or her interests, habits, and perspective on life and the gospel. It is a time to share ambitions and dreams, hopes and fears. It is a time to test someone’s commitment to gospel living."
That is the reason you need to get acquainted. Know someone well enough to learn his or her heart and character firsthand.
“In choosing a companion, it is necessary to study … the one with whom you are contemplating making life’s journey. You see how necessary it is to look for the characteristics of honesty, of loyalty, of chastity, and of reverence.”
President David O. McKay (1873–1970), Teachings of Presidents of the Church: David O. McKay (2003), 140
BECOMING A QUALITY PERSON NOW- Elder Marvin J. Ashton (1915-94)
As you strive to become a quality person, commune daily with your Heavenly Father who knows you best of all. He knows your talents, your strengths, and your weaknesses. You are here on the earth at this time to develop and refine these characteristics. I promise you He will help you. He is aware of your needs.
Fill your life with service, education, personality development, love for all, and other such meaningful traits. Live with purpose each day.
Chapter 1 Young Adulthood and Pathways to Eternal Marriage
"Numerous scholars have noted that the culture of dating that young adults experience today is markedly different from the one experienced by their parents and grandparents. ...family professionals have noted an erosion of traditional courtship patterns and a dating culture that lacks socially defined norms, rituals, and relationship milestones to guide young people toward marriage." (p. 4)
Elder Bednar encourages a "becoming" approach for young adults to think about. Emphasizing personal readiness, maturity, and growth. The main emphasis is becoming ready for marriage and then committing to that relationship when you have decided to make the decision to be married. The less helpful approach is "finding" the right one to marry.
Scholars have found that certain characteristics happily married spouses have developed. Developed during adolescence and young adulthood and refined during transition to marriage. This readiness is largely determined by their ability to love and communicate. (p.7-8)
Chapter 2 The ABCs of Successful Romantic Relationship Development: Meeting, Dating, and
Choosing and Eternal Companion
George Levinger (1983) Five-phase development of romantic relationships:
A. Awareness of or Acquaintance with another person
B. Buildup of the relationship
C. Continuation following Commitment to a long-term relationship (which may result in marriage for many couples)
D. Deterioration or Decline in the interdependence of the couple
E. Ending of the relationship
A Slide Show presentations titled "How to Avoid Marrying a Jerk"
A Relationship Attachment Model would include indicators of KNOW, TRUST, RELY, COMMIT, and TOUCH. The sliders on the scale would gradually move up, the more you know, the more you trust, etc. Sliders that have high touch and are low on trust and rely would not be grounds for a successful relationship development. Wise individuals and couples are wise to touch or have physical intimacy on a lower level than their level of commitment. Getting these dynamics out of proper order- even a little- leads to an out-of-balanced and very risky relationship.
*Physical Intimacy has an almost intoxicating effect. It always changes the relationship. If kissing is like glue, then greater physical/sexual contact is like superglue. It is supposed to be that way.... It just isn't supposed to happen outside of relationships in which the knowing, trust, reliance, and commitment are not fully and firmly in place. Physical intimacy is a powerful bonding agent. It would be very unwise to be bound to someone at a level above the other dimensions.
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