FAMILY HAPPINESS

"HAPPINESS IN FAMILY LIFE IS MOST LIKELY TO BE ACHIEVED WHEN FOUNDED UPON THE TEACHINGS OF THE LORD JESUS CHRIST"

THE FAMILY: A PROCLAMATION TO THE WORLD

Chapter 20 Repentance and Forgiveness in Family Life

 

"Successful marriages and families are establish and maintained on principles of . . . repentance (and) forgiveness"

*Repentance and forgiveness are two sides of the same coin and are frequently addressed together. Apologies facilitate forgiveness, and forgiveness motivates repentance (Holeman, 2008) p.201

*Mental health experts acknowledge that it is impossible to address emotional and physical well-being without considering the relevance of repentance and forgiveness.

Elder Dallin H. Oaks (2003) identified the instruction to repent as the gospel's "most frequent message" and defined repentance as transformations:

The gospel of Jesus Christ challenges us to change.

Repenting means giving up all of our practices--personal, family, ethnic, and national-- that are contrary to the commandments of God. The purpose of the gospel is to transform common creatures into celestial citizens, and that requires change (p.37)

Christ taught that forgiving is a prerequisite to being forgiven:

 

"And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses. But if ye do not forgive, neither will you Father which is in heaven forgive your trespasses" (Mark 11:25-26)

 

*Forgiveness should not be confused with legal pardon, condoning, or forgetting. It is also distinct from reconciliations. BUT without some sort of deliberate action, whether interpersonal or intrapersonal, actual forgiveness does not take place.

 

Several models of forgiveness have been proposed through scholarly literature. Here is an overview of Worthington's cognitive-behavioral, five-step process (2001)

 

*Recall the hurt. In order to forgive we have to be clear about the wrongdoing and acknowledge the injury

*Empathize. In order to forgive, it is important to understand the transgressor's feelings.

*Offer the altruistic gift of forgiveness. It is easier to forgive when we understand our own shortcomings and offenses with gratitude for those occasions when we were freely forgiven.

*Commit publicly to forgive. Better chance of successful forgiveness if he/she verbalizes the forgiveness commitment to another person.

*Hold on to forgiveness. It is easy to look back, but important to recognize the commitment to forgive has already been made. Reframe thought processes instead of trying to stop painful memories.

 

--Scholars do not know exactly how forgiveness takes place, but when genuine forgiveness is achieved, thoughts, emotions, motivations, and behaviors are changed.

 

"Repentance and forgiveness are diving expectations that are particularly relevant to family life. The question is not if forgiveness should take place, but how? True healing comes only through experiencing the pain of loss and completing the tasks associated with repentance and forgiveness.

In the end, sincere repentance and genuine forgiveness are gifts from God made possible through the Atonement of Christ. With enhanced humility and empathy, the offender can gain new perspectives-- that of the victim and of Jesus Christ, who atones for the transgressions. Likewise, victims also achieve forgiveness through sharing Heavenly Father's perspective-- infinite love for all His children" (p.210)

Chapter 22 Wholesome Family Recreation: Building Strong Families

by Mark A. Widmer and Stacy T. Taniguchi

Recreation can be easy.
We all know how to find fun things
There are endless choices with entertaining technology and we are always on the go.
Opportunities to recreate surround us.
But we must consider the implications of these different recreation choices for the quality of our lives and families. (p.225)

Our free time should be used wisely to create the best possible life, to promote individual growth and strength and families. Meaningful recreation does not just happen it must be prepared for, cultivated, and privately defended. (Caikszentmihalyi, 1990)

Wholesome family recreation can help us strength in our relationships and reduce negative emotional and spiritual consequences. Wholesome recreation strengthens families. (p.225)

Most of the recent literature suggests that family recreation provides a variety of important benefits. Family abilities for communication interaction satisfaction and problem-solving trust and love were increased through wholesome recreation. (p.232)

Different family members will have different experiences in the same activity added physical and emotional burdens can arise from others are other family members who carry the responsibility for preparation and implementation. Studies suggest that family leisure has become a responsibility for parents and is not always considered enjoyable, especially for the mother. However many feel family leisure is essential for children's positive development in that children can learn life lessons for future success. (p.233)

Chapter 21 Meanings and Blessings of Family Work

by Kathleen Bahr, Kristine Manwaring, Cheri Loveless, and Erika Bailey Bahr


The reason family centered work brings blessings and salvation is so obvious in common experience that it has become obscure: Family work provides endless opportunities to recognize and feel others needs. It teaches us to love and serve one another, inviting us to be like Jesus Christ. (P.213)

Commonplace every day events combined to form the character of the week, a month, a year, and eventually a lifetime. Ancient prophets understood the power when Nephi said "by small means the Lord can bring about great things" (1 Nephi 16:29) and Alma observed that "by small and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise" (Alma 37:6).

Elder Neal a Maxwell said "We must look carefully, therefore not only at life's large defining moments but also at the seemingly small moments. Even small acts and brief conversations count, it's only incrementally, in the constant shaping of souls" (1998, p. 8)

Family work, though essential, can still see him burdensome

A common notion in Western culture is that an ideal life is work free. This idea directly conflicts with central gospel themes.

Guiding family work toward a context that connects family members is an important aspect of mothers work, because they usually spend the most time with both the relevant chores and the children. The subtle difference between a mother who emphasizes how work is done and one who emphasizes what work is done yield startling results.

Fathers actions influence their children's attitudes toward family work. A father who assumes responsibility for a single significant daily task and actively gathers his children to help them is a powerful example of partnership and service within his home.

Sociologist Scott Coltrane and Michelle Adams found that school age children who do chores with their fathers are more likely to get along with their peers and have more friends, and they are less likely to disobey teachers, big trouble at school, and be depressed or withdrawn. Wives see domestic contributions by husbands as evidence of love and caring. (p. 223)

 The daily rituals the family work are the Lord's gift and blessing to all people and cultures, providing daily opportunities for parents to teach while working alongside their children, for husbands to draw closer to their wives, and for siblings to bond. They work together to serve the family. These tasks are the invisible glue that can bind families together. Instead of asking how to make such work go away parents should ask how to use it to increase love and joy in their families. (p. 223)

In a world that now rewards and glorifies the work we do outside of the home and minimizes the value of humble work with in our home, perhaps it is appropriate to include within the savers meaning of "the least of these" the caring of our children, sisters, brothers, spouses, and parents in our own homes. (p. 223)